When I was pregnant with Smushy, I had some pretty big anxiety issues that I was dealing with. I think after trying for so long, I just couldn’t believe the pregnancy would end with a healthy baby. Like it was almost too much to ask for. I was pretty crazy and worried back then. Thankfully, my doc tended to err on the side of caution and I always felt very taken care of and looked after. At one point, I started measuring funky and we found there was a fluid issue. Nothing major, but something to check on. Even after it resolved itself, the doc still had me coming in just to be safe. I loved my doctor and she was very much what I needed for that pregnancy. (Minus the 45 minute wait just to get into a room. I could live one without that.)
This time, I am much more laid back about most things. I’ve done this before. I know there can be a healthy baby after it’s over. I know what pregnancy feels like (even though it does feel different this time-still recognizable). I don’t panic when the baby doesn’t move for a couple of days. (Two is my limit. Then I panic a little.) I don’t look forward to appointments the way I did the first time. I don’t feel like I need the constant reassurance that everything is fine and normal. It’s just different this time. My doctor is different too. She is a lot more laid back. I don’t wait long to get into the room and then I think the whole appointment lasts less than 10 minutes. Of course she still addresses and concerns I have, but I don’t have that many.
She typically has one nurse who handles all the nursely duties. I have mixed feelings about the nurse. I like her. She’s relaxed and proficient and nice. But she bugs me. I started having Braxton Hicks contractions really early this pregnancy, when I never had any with Smushy. I knew it could be normal and wasn’t too worried, but thought I should mention it anyway. I told the nurse and she told me “That’s just growing pains, not contractions.” Umm. The hell you say. I know what a contraction feels like and please don’t talk to me like I’m stupid. I let it go and contractions ever since.
Last week baby boy was having some very quiet days. He was moving, but not as much or as strong as usual. I know this happens. This happened with Smushy. It’s normal. I realize this. But when he wasn’t back to his usual kick-boxing self by day three, I started getting concerned. I knew he had a heartbeat because he was still moving-a little. Dr. Google will tell you to call your doctor when there is a DECREASE in movement. There was a decrease. So I called and spoke to the nurse. I told her I was not one to jump straight to the panic button, but I was concerned since he hadn’t been as active for so long. She kept telling me that he’s probably running out of room to move as much and it as probably fine, but I could come in and the doc could doppler me. I asked if that was it. I have a doppler. I can do that from home. She said as long as I found a heartbeat, that was it. So I said I would just do a quick check (and I knew there would be a heartbeat since he was still moving-a little.)
And of course there was.
But this is what bugs me. If there is a problem, like a cord compression or whatever, how would I know? How would they have known listening to his heartbeat for 10 seconds? As far as I know, a Non-Stress Test is usually called for in this kind of situation. Not that I particularly wanted to drag my 2 year old to the hospital for an hour while I was strapped to a fetal heart monitor. Not my idea of fun either. But what if? What if there was something really wrong? And they blew off my concerns as nothing? As relaxed as I am about pregnancy this time, I am still a better safe than sorry person. And the more I think about it, the more pissed I get.
As a patient, I expect my concerns to be taken seriously. It bothers me that I don’t trust that my baby will be taken care of. I think I’m going to have to talk to my doctor about my concerns.
I made these Chicken Muffins for dinner tonight. Yum!
I received another Etsy Baby Shower gift yesterday from Linda from Linda’s Krafty Kreation. It’s a set of 3 animal print burp cloths and an animal print bib. The The burp cloth are big and super soft! And the bib looks to be big enough to catch all sorts of messes.
**I received the burp cloths and bib for free for being apart of the Etsy Baby Shower. Did not pay for them. Just took pictures. I posted about them here because it’s my blog and that’s how I roll. Getting tired of the disclaimer thing.
Playing dress-up for the first time. She kept saying she was a ballerina and then insisted on taking the dresses off because they were “too fancy!” Seriously the cutest thing ever.
I never had the nesting urge when I was pregnant with Smushy. It didn’t matter so much because Mr. Silly was home a lot more and I made him do all the nesting for me. We managed to have everything 100% ready and done before we even found out she was a girl. It probably helped that I didn’t have a toddler “helping”, so the house stayed clean for more than 5 minutes.
A clean house. I really miss that. Anyway.
This time I had one whole day of extreme nesting craziness. I washed half of the new baby clothes, organized his closet, and started packing my hospital bag. I was hoping it would last, but now I’m back to Meh. And I don’t nest in a good, productive way. All I care about are the baby things. Floor needs to be swept and there is a pile of dishes in the sink? Who cares! Must fold onesies!
Now, that’s not true actually. The house is getting to me. I would LOVE to clean it all up and keep it that way. LOVE! But physically, this pregnancy is much harder than the last time. Bending over to pick up toys gets me winded and in pain in less than a minute. Five minutes of just standing starts the contractions. Not to mention Smushy’s special kind of “help”. And when I start thinking about how much longer I have to go, I get so discouraged. Mr. Silly helps as much as he helps. Sometimes I think he thinks I’m just being lazy and doesn’t take my limitations seriously. And I do sorta get that. I am lazy. To a point. I mean, yes, yes I really really am, but even I have my limits. I just want my house to be clean and stay that way. And I would gladly do it all if my body would just cooperate. I should add, I do stuff every day. The dishes get taken care of, and the laundry never piles up too high. It’s all the other stuff I have a hard time managing.
So! A list of crap that needs to be done by me or someone like me before this child is allowed to arrive!
- Clean out the top of the laundry closet to make room for his bathtub
- Wash the rest of his clothes
- Buy a few odds and ends things
- Put baby things together such as the travel crib, bouncer, and swing
- Find a place to put all of those not yet put together baby things
- Makes sure Smushy doesn’t break the not yet put together baby things
- Make sure the cat doesn’t pee in the not yet put together baby things
- Install the infant seat
- Figure out where the heck I put the sheets for the pack-n-play
- Clean the house and keep it that way
- Consider some kinda of bubble suit for Smushy to keep her grubby paws off of everything and her toddler germs to herself so I feel well enough for more than 5 minutes so I can actually manage to get all of the above done. Check Home Depot.
And there it is. Minus whatever my pregnant brain has blocked out. Less than 5 weeks, people. Which is nestled snugly between forever from now and OMG time to panic!
How far along? 33 weeks
Total weight gain: Up 7lbs as of my last appointment
Maternity clothes? Yes. Still. Forever.
Sleep: Sleep is for the weak. (And I am one of them.) I don’t need no stinkin’ sleep! (Yes OMG yes I do.) I get up about 5 times a night to pee and the cold is always worse at night and Smushy is not big on sleeping in these days. I think I’m averaging maybe 4-5 hours total a night. On a good night. I neeeeeed sleeeeeep. Smushy was nice enough to let me sleep in for about an hour and a half this morning though, so that was nice.
Food cravings: None cravings. And I still (STILL!) have morning sickness. I don’t mention it because it’s not the worst morning sickness ever, but come on! 33 weeks? Really?
Best moment this week: That one day I got to take a nap. Yeah, not so much exciting stuff going on these days.
Movement: He has been super quiet for the past 3 days. I actually called the doctor today for the first time ever and HAD to doppler him. I know they have quiet days and that’s fine, but 3 in a row when he is usually VERY active worried me. I’m loading up on the caffeine today to try to get more movement out of him.
Gender: Boy. (Still.) Also boring question. (Still.)
Labor Signs: I have been having a ton of contractions lately and I have to work harder to get rid of them. Much more water and relaxing than usual. I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything, but it is a little annoying. It would be nice to stand up and walk to the bathroom without having one.
Belly Button in or out? Out-ish.
What I miss: Everything. Undercooked eggs, wine, normal sleep, being able to breathe through my nose. Just everything.
What I am looking forward to: The end. I haven’t wanted to rush this pregnancy along, but I’m feeling very anxious to meet this guy. I’m terrified of all the changes and adjusting to life as a mom of 2, but so so ready to see him and hold him. It makes me feel guilty since I know I want to enjoy every minute, but it’s getting harder to be patient.
Weekly Wisdom: When nothing is going right and everything is out to ruin your day, it is absolutely ok to sit on the couch eating your craving of choice and watching bad TV. Sometimes it’s actually necessary.
Milestones: Third Trimester! Still chugging along.
I received my second Etsy Baby Shower gift today from Jennifer from ItzFitz! It’s a two-sided sign to hang up outside to let people know when to be quiet and clean. So cute! I hate hate hate it when a delivery person rings the bell during nap time, and I’ll definitely use this!
**I received this gift for FREE for being a part of the Winter 2010 Etsy Baby Shower. I am not obligated to post pictures or blog about it. I don’t even have to tell you. But I’m nice and like to share the knowledge of cute stuff.
Bubble bath
Mr. Silly usually handles the bath time, but he had to work late tonight, so I took over. I pulled out some bubble bath as a special treat and she loved it. Also, went to bed with no fuss. Never happens when Mr. Silly is here. I think it’s because she knows she can get away with more with him and I am not to be messed with.
The little things that keep me functioning. As much as 2 teeny things can, anyway.
(Also, I made it through a whole month and didn’t miss a single pic!! Whee!)