How far along? 19 weeks

Total weight gain: Down 6.5lbs as of my last appointment.  I can’t believe I only gained 1.5lbs in a whole month.  Lets hope this trend is here to stay.  (Obv, healthy baby, but I am way overweight and don’t need to gain anything)

Maternity clothes? Yes and I need more shirts.

Sleep: Not bad.  Still getting up a thousand time s a night to pee.  It seemed like a much bigger deal the last time I was pregnant.  Maybe I’ve just been conditioned to need less sleep these days.

Food cravings: Nothing really.  That might attribute to the slower weight gain.  I had killer cravings with Smushy.

Best moment this week: Getting to see the baby again yesterday.  I still dig it.

Movement: More frequent lately, especially after I eat.  I get a bunch of tap tap taps every day.

Gender: OMGITSABOY!!!!  I don’t know when I’m going to get used to that.  Still so crazy to me.

Labor Signs: Nope.

Belly Button in or out? In.

What I miss: Walking for extended periods of shopping without feeling like my pubic bone is about the break in half.

What I am looking forward to: Next week since it’s the halfway point.  Very awesome.

Weekly Wisdom: Don’t buy too much pink or blue when you find out the sex.  You are going to get tired of it soon enough.  But it’s still Ok to buy a little.

Milestones: Second Trimester!  Whee!

We went to Target and Babies R Us last night to buy some blue.  I did follow my own advice and try to keep it to a minimum.  I got sucked into the newborn sizes though, so I think from now on, I need to focus on bigger stuff.  The newborn stuff is just so teeny tiny cute!!  I also got a few crapload of baby blankets.  All I have is pink or girly.  This baby needs some manly blue puppies or something.

Belly pic to come since Mr.Silly is working.  I tried to take one with my iPhone, but my arms would have to be 8 feet long.

We are 2/3 sick over here and blah.  Mr. Silly has managed to avoid it, but I’m not expecting that to last.  Smushy is on day 4 and I’m on day 2.  Obviously all her fault.  It’s not the flu or plague or anything, just a cold, but it’s yucky and Smush can’t blow her nose which makes it harder on her.  Poor little thing.  She crawls into our bed in the middle of the night, but at least she’s nice enough to just cuddle up and go back to sleep.  Mostly.

So that’s why I didn’t update yesterday.  We feel like poop.

And now, the fun stuff.  The ultrasound was supposed to be a quick 10 minute gender peek, but it ended up being 45 minutes since this baby is a little booger.  When she first put the probe to my belly, I saw the 3 lines and immediately said, “It’s a girl.”  The lady wasn’t so sure, so she jiggled me and made me go pee and turn this way and that.  Apparently what I had seen was the vessels in the cord which was running straight between the legs.  So after lots of squishing and prodding, we saw this:

After thinking it was a girl the whole time, I don’t think either of us really believed it’s a boy. We didn’t have that huge excited moment, but it’s come in doses since then. Things keep occurring to me. Like girl names I won’t be able to use, or my favorite girl clothes from Smushy that I won’t get to see again. Or the fact that I get to buy blue things this time and how I never even looked at the boy stuff before. And how Smushy can still be my favorite girl and won’t have to share that title with anyone.

People keep asking if Mr. Silly is excited. It makes me giggle since he wanted a girl. Not that he doesn’t want a boy, but as he says, “I have a girl, so I already know them.” But he is happy about not having to be the only boy in a house full of girls. I think we were both just really expecting a girl. We’ve done the baby thing. We feel a lot more relaxed and prepared going into it this time. The whole shock of having a boy makes us both feel like newbies. I think it’ll definitely take some getting used to.

Mostly we’re having good reactions. I keep having these OMGITSABOY!!! moments. It’s exciting in a way I don’t think it could have been had this been a girl. There are so many things I’m nervous about and looking forward too. It’s been hard to get completely into this pregnancy since I honestly don’t have a lot of free time to daydream, but this makes it more real. There is an actual person in there. I am going to have a son. Whoa.

PS. The belly yesterday after the u/s. And keep in mind, I am siiiiiiiiiiiick.

**This was suppose to be posted yesterday, but I never got around to taking a belly pic.  Oops.  I’ll take one tomorrow after my ultrasound since I’m sure you’re dying to know what this baby is.  Guess away in the comments.

How far along? 18 weeks

Total weight gain: Up 1.5lbs from last appt so down 6.5lbs from pre-pregnancy. Though the nurse said I’ll gain the most from 18-26 weeks. Crap.

Maternity clothes? Yes. Mostly just pants and I’m going to have to get some shirts this weekend. I have shirts that fit, but since the belly is growing, they’re not quite long enough.

Sleep: Not bad. I’m tired a lot these days. It’s funny since I never really got the 1st trimester exhaustion like I did with Smushy. I’m making up for it now though.

Food cravings: Nothing that jumps out at me. Just depends on my mood I guess.

Best moment this week: Smushy saying, “Hi baby!” without me asking.

Movement: Getting more frequent, but still not every day.

Gender: We should *hopefully* find out on Saturday.

Labor Signs: Not a labor sign, but I did have some contractions this week. Kinda made me nervous, but they stopped after a couple of hours and I’ve been reassured that it’s normal.

Belly Button in or out? In.

What I miss: Wine. Every now and then I really want a glass.

What I am looking forward to: Ultrasound on Saturday!

Weekly Wisdom: Just because you’ve done this before, doesn’t mean you know anything.

Milestones: 18 weeks! I don’t know why 18 weeks seems like a big deal to me.

Smushy started “school” today.  Not really school, more like daycare, but it’s close enough.  I know she is going to love it.  She already talks about friends and gets excited about playing with toys.  I don’t really care about the educational aspect of it to be honest.  She knows her letters, can count to 20, knows her colors and shapes and is just a smart kid in general.  I’m not worried about that part.  What she needs is friends.  Kids her age to play and interact with.  She needs adults to be authority figures in her life that aren’t mommy and daddy.  She needs structure and routine and new experiences.  And she’s going to get it at this school.  It’s a place I feel very comfortable with.  I’m surprised at how good I feel about this place.  Her teachers seem lovely, the director is wonderful and Smushy is going to be a better person for being exposed to this setting.

It’s not all for her, of course.  Or, at least I get something out of it too.  Today I can clean without a toddler tornado behind me.  I can sit in the quiet and read a book (not that I have time for that today, but maybe once I get caught up on everything else).  I can make my doctor appointments for school days so I don’t have to worry about her touching things and fussing and being bored.  That is the biggest one for me since she FUH-REAKS out when the doc makes me lay on the table.

But I miss her.  I didn’t even make it out of the room before the tears started.  The director hugged me before I walked out the door.  I cried in the car and all the way home.  I cried for a good 30 minutes after getting home.  And I’ll probably cry a few more times today.  I’m sure some of it is hormones.  I cry more over everything these days-things that I wouldn’t have pre-pregnancy.  But mostly I just miss her.  There are very few times in her life that she has been away from me.  I can count them on my fingers.  It’s nice to have time to do stuff, but the house seems so quiet.  It just feels empty when she’s gone.  I just really miss her.

Taken with my phone and could not get her to stop moving. Eh. What can ya do?

It’s taking me a while to find my footing.  In Texas, I had a routine.  I managed to play with Smushy, clean and have dinner ready almost every night.  Sure, there were days when nothing would go right and I was lucky to make it out of my pj’s, but for the most part, I had it together.

Ever since we got here, things have just been off.  I work my ass off all day long, just trying to keep my head above water.  There are days I don’t sit down until nap time.  I’m trying and failing and I can’t figure out how to change it all.  I just want to get back in the swing of things where everything is routine and I know what I’m doing.  Instead, I’m floundering around over here and everyone is miserable.  Mr. Silly seems to think since the house looks like shit I must not be doing anything.  I honestly don’t blame him for thinking that, but I AM doing things.  It’s so frustrating to work and work and work for nothing.  It’s not even the amount of work it is, it’s the fact that despite it all, I’m not getting anywhere.

I have a plan-ish sorta thing.  Maybe not so much a plan as a series of ideas to maybe help me at least contain the uncontrollable stuff and keep the common areas decent.  I just need to figure this stuff out and do better.

I feel a little bad that I haven’t mentioned Smushy at all lately.  (Not that I’ve mentioned anything, but we’re fixing that.)  She seems to be adjusting fairly well to the move.  There are a few things I wish I had done differently, though even with hindsight, I can’t see what I could have done.  We made the mistake of letting her have her binky 24/7 and definitely had to pay the consequences.  It was really just easier to pop a binky in there than really deal with anything since there has been so many other things going on.

So I decided it was time to go back to bed only.  It used to be car and bed only, but honestly, it is a pain in the ass to keep track of that thing while we’re out and about.  Also, I hate that every picture I take features the ugly green monster front and center.  So I changed it to bed only.  And it’s gone pretty well.  Today she didn’t even ask for it at all except when I first put them up after naptime.  And even then it was just for a minute.  So yay for easy transitions.  I know I should get rid of the thing completely and I know I’ll look back on this as SO NOT A BIG DEAL, but right now it’s a BIG DEAL.  I’m a chicken.  Plain and simple.

The movers broke our (very expensive!) bed, so all we had was a queen mattress on the floor that we all piled into every night.  Smushy got used to us laying with her while she fell asleep.  Can you spell trouble?  On Monday, Mr. Silly decided to start the transition back to falling asleep on her own.  (Since she now has her very own big girl bed!)  Which, I should add, she did awesomely in Texas.  He failed miserably.  MISERABLY!  I left, as was the deal because I am a chicken, and he stayed with her for an hour until she fell asleep.  I married a big wuss.  So Tuesday night I took over and after 10 minutes of crying and getting up every 30 seconds, she fell asleep.  The next night she only got up once.  Tonight was a little harder (night 3 regression), but still nothing terrible.  I think we pretty much have it licked.  Now, it’s still not as good as it was in Texas since she cries every time we put her down for nap or bed, but infinitely better than before.

Smushy is starting school on Monday.  I fully intend on being the weepy mother who has to run from the room so her child doesn’t see her bawl.  Then I will sit in my car and cry my eyes out until I have to come home.  I know it’s going to be great.  I will have the time to clean without someone messing everything up right behind me and go to doctor appointments without dragging a whiny kid along.  She is going to love doing different crafts that I’m not creative enough to think of and making friends and playing.  I’m also hoping she’ll be a little better about sharing (Current favorite sentence: “Gimme!  That’s my _____!”) and get used to other adults as authority figures.  Right now she gets really sensitive and cries when anyone else so much as asks her to stop doing something.  She’s definitely not like that with us.  So I know this will be good for everyone.  I’m just sad.  I have been there every day since birth.  She has not been away from me for more than 12 hours (once–usually no more than 3 hours) .  I’ve never had someone watch her while I ran errands or had some me time.  I can count on one hand the number of times she’s been away from me.  I think Im going to miss her, even if it is for only 4 hours a day, 2 days a week.

All in all though, things are good.  She loves playing outside in the huge yard.  There are horses next door that she can go see and maybe sometimes pet if they happen to wander over to our fence.  We’ve gone to the corn maze and pumpkin patch and apple picking.  Things we couldn’t do in Texas.  She gets to see a real and true Fall and probably her first snow soon.  We’re looking forward to sledding and building snowmen and making snow angels followed by chocolate milk and a toasty warm fire.  I think she’s going to be pretty happy here.

Mr. Silly had to go to Virginia for training for 2 weeks.  With the car.  The only car.  So I was stuck here with Smushy.  No big deal, really.  There was lots of unpacking and organizing left to do (not that I did any of it).

The thing is, I hate being alone.  I don’t do well.  I get extra paranoid and just sucky in general.  I think maybe I’m just out of practice?  Mr. Silly has been off work for a year and before that he worked very short hours, so it was like he was home all the time anyway.  I think I’m just very used to him being around.  I know that I’m going to have to get back in the swing of things since he is going to be deployed at some point.

And maybe that’s part of why this is so much harder than usual.  The next time he leaves, it will be for months at a time and I will have to deal with 2 kids by myself. Mr. Silly is a very involved dad.  I’m not used to doing it all by myself.  I mean, I have and I can, but I don’t like it.  (Does anyone?)  Since Smushy was born I knew the day would come that he would leave for months and months and I was trying to mentally prepare myself for that.  But with him being in Virginia, I think it just suddenly hit me that I won’t have to worry about handling one kid on my own.  I’ll have 2.  All of a sudden.  No transition time.  It put me in a really big funk the entire time he was gone.  Hormones don’t help.

This is all just stuff I’m going to have to work through and deal with (because what choice do I have?) and I’ll be fine when it comes down to it.  I just needed some time to adjust and accept.  I don’t know why I didn’t blog about it.  This is supposed to be my outlet for stuff like this.  I just couldn’t come up with the words I needed.  Mostly I just wanted to cry and that doesn’t really come out in writing.

Things are better now.  They always are when he’s home.  We spent the first weekend doing family stuff.  It was perfect.  I know that sounds corny, but it really was the most perfect weekend of my life.  He’ll be working long hours all week long while we’re here.  Weekends are family time.  I am going to make the most of what I have.

Actual, for real blog posts coming soon-ish.  I have a few drafts, but I’ve just been feeling meh about them.  So even though I have things to talk about, I just.  Don’t.  I dunno.  I suck.

Anyway.

How far along? 17 weeks

Total weight gain: Down 8 lbs as of my last appt.  Not sure about now.  Probably up like 30 or something.  Mashed potatoes.  Mmmmm.

Maternity clothes? Yes.  Mostly just pants and a couple shirts.

Sleep: Much better now that I’m not being kicked out by a wiggly, pushy toddler.

Food cravings: (See above)

Best moment this week: Mr. Silly felt the baby tapping away last night.  Very cool and super early.

Movement: Usually just a couple times a day, but sometimes the stinker doesn’t do anything for a few days in a row.  Makes Mommy nervous.

Gender: Don’t know.  I had another boy dream though, but I’m still leaning towards girl

Labor Signs: Nope.

Belly Button in or out? In.

What I miss: Being able to clean/bend/anything without my back hurting.

What I am looking forward to: Finding out the gender.

Weekly Wisdom: I got nothing.

Milestones: Second Trimester!  Whee!

And now for the enormity of the belly:

In my defense, this was taken at the end of the day when things are just sticking out more.  Also, it has been the longest day ever and I am just really tired.  The end.

I wanted to start taking belly pics, but turns out, I’m too short for the mirror thing and too lazy to set up the camera somewhere, so I’ll get one next week when Mr. Silly can do it.  He’s been gone for 2 weeks for training.  I don’t like to put that out there, so that’s the reason for no blogs.  He’ll be home soon soon soon though.

How far along? 16 weeks

Total weight gain: Down 8 lbs as of my last appt.  Probably more now based on the quantities of carbs I’ve been scarfing.

Maternity clothes? Yes.  Mostly just pants.  Regular shirts still work ok, but I do have a couple maternity shirts that I wear.

Sleep: Just have to get up to pee a lot.

Food cravings: Nothing that jumps out at me.

Best moment this week: Smushy starting to want to kiss the baby and being sweet.

Movement: Not often, but when I feel it’s BIG movement.  Pressure and rolling and all that.

Gender: One of them.  Smushy says girl.

Labor Signs: Nope.

Belly Button in or out? In.

What I miss: Mr. Silly

What I am looking forward to: Feeling more consistent movement.

Weekly Wisdom: Doing everything by yourself sucks.  The end.

Milestones: Second Trimester!  Whee!

How far along? 15 weeks

Total weight gain: Down 8 lbs as of my last appt.  I don’t weigh myself beteween appts.

Maternity clothes? Yes.  I just got my new stuff today!  They should last a few months at least.

Sleep: Not bad.  Still have to get up to pee, but that’s normal.  I actually went to bed with Smushy last night and woke up with her this morning.  I missed the me time, but the sleep was so nice.

Food cravings: Anything from TV commercials.  I am very susceptible to suggestion.

Best moment this week: Getting new clothes.

Movement: Nothing consistent right now.  It makes me nervous sometimes, this in-between-ness.

Gender: One of them.

Labor Signs: Nope.

Belly Button in or out? In.

What I miss: Being able to bend without feeling weird uterine-ness.

What I am looking forward to: Feeling more consistent movement.

Weekly Wisdom: I have none.  Not wise at all today.

Milestones: Second Trimester!  Whee!