• The differences between this pregnancy and my pregnancy with Smushy are crazy to me.  I guess it’s to be expected, since I am a different person now, but I am so surprised by it nonetheless.

Today I finally (finally) took a belly picture.  And I am a house.  A huge, 3-story, sprawling monstrosity.  And I completely want to cry.  It is so different this time.  I didn’t get quite so big (putting it MILDLY) with Smushy.  I gained more weight with her, but size-wise, I didn’t look like this.  And even with the weight gain and body changes, I was fine.  It never mattered to me even for a minute the last time.  After everything we went through to get there, I was just grateful to be pregnant at all.  I happily packed on the pounds and inches.  Maybe it’s because this is the second time?  I don’t live in the fantasy of pregnancy and motherhood anymore.  I now know that popping out an 8-pounder and breastfeeding does not take the weight off.  And with my medical issues, NOTHING took the weight off after Smushy.  I never lost a pound.  In fact, I was about 10 pounds heavier starting out this time than the ending of my pregnancy with Smushy.  I was 60 pounds heavier than pre-Smushy pregnancy.  60 pounds.  So yeah, I’m down a pound and a half, but it’s like I’ve already gained 60.  I have to waddle because my hips hurt when I walk.  My back aches.  I’m only 23 weeks.  I have a long way to go.

Losing the baby weight after Smushy was never a big priority to me.  I guess I just expected it to magically happen.  Or at least lose some of it.  A little.  I don’t know why I thought that way.  Busy with a newborn/infant/toddler?  Maybe I just didn’t want to accept that this was going to take a lot of work?  I don’t know.  I know this time I am going to have to work at it.  Weight loss is going to have to be a priority.  Not for the weight loss, really.  It’s just very unhealthy for me to be this size.  I am going to need to change habits and my entire lifestyle.  It’s daunting just thinking about it.

I know it’s a little early to be thinking about losing baby weight and I don’t even know why I am.  Oh right.  The belly pic.

23 weeks this time and last time

23 weeks this time, 36 weeks last time

See? *bawl*

And to end on a less depressing note, a list of how things are different than last time:

• Pregnancy #1 heartburn started sometime in the mid 3rd tri.  Pregnancy #2 heartburn right now.  A lot.  Milk helps.  I may need to buy a cow.
• Pregnancy #1 waddling in the 3rd tri.  Pregnancy #2 waddling now.
• #1 Gained a lot, barely ate.  #2 Gained nothing (so far) eat all the time.
• #1 Intense cravings, especially for fast food.  #2 Nothing I have to have.  Some things just sound good, but if I don’t have it, no biggie.
• #1 No extra hair.  In fact, my hair didn’t grow at all during that pregnancy.  #2 My belly has fuzzy hairs on it.  Weird.
• #1 So tired all the time.  #2 Not too tired.  Still sleeping more than usual, but nothing crazy.
• #1 Normal morning sickness that ended at 10 weeks-ish.  #2 Normal morning sickness that has not ended.  It’s not real bad, but still there.
• #1 A teeny bit of boob leakage in the 3rd tri.  #2 Boob leakage starting at 15 weeks.  Insane!
• #1 Normal movement.  I always considered her to be active.  #2  I apparently didn’t know what “active” was before this guy.  Constant movement.  Big movement.

Mr. Silly is different this time too.  Last time he was attentive and affectionate and would get me fast food at 3am.  This time he sucks a little.  He’s still affectionate, but it’s like he forgets I’m pregnant and expects me to go about doing things as usual.  Like cleaning the litter box and moving furniture.  He also almost never gets me whatever food I might want at the time.  And I was WAY more demanding last time.  This time I barely ask for anything.  Last time he went to EVERY doctor’s appointment.  This time he didn’t even make it to the big ultrasound.  But that’s not his fault at all.  He works way more now than last time.  It’s just a difference.

My mother, who has had 4 children, told me that you think because you’ve done it before, you’ll know what to expect, but you don’t.  And then you get pregnant with #3 and you still don’t know.  And you get pregnant with #4 and you still don’t know.  And it’s the same way once they’re born.  Each one is completely different and new.  That is both exciting and terrifying to me.

Apparently, when you’re pregnant, leftovers DO NOT last a week.  We maybe have enough for tomorrow.

Thanksgiving was great.  Good food, good friends, crazy kids.  My turkey was the most perfect looking golden brown turkey I have ever made.  I didn’t get a picture, but take my word for it.  Tender, juicy goodness.  Smushy ran around with her friend all night playing and screaming and laughing and screaming.  Kids are loud.  The house, that was actually pretty clean before, is now destroyed.  We’re taking our time with the clean-up today.  No rush.

I ate so much food.  SO MUCH FOOD.  Mashed potatoes, homemade mac and cheese, green bean casserole more more more please can’t get enough yummy feed me!!!  And I am so tired today.  I definitely overdid it yesterday and this little guy is making me pay.  I plan on taking it easy through the weekend and I’m going to need to come up with some alternate Christmas plan because I can’t do this again.  Mr. Silly may have to learn to cook or at least take direction well.

For the sake of relaxing, we did not go shopping today.  I avoid all retail locations on Black Friday.  People get elbowed and smashed and it’s just too crowded and I get claustrophobic and cry.  So instead, we casually cleaned and pulled out bins of baby things and Christmas decorations and put up a little 4ft fiber optic tree that Mr. Silly and I have had since we were engaged.  Smushy ran around wearing her Santa hat and tried to impale us on a light-up lawn candy cane saying, “Merry Christmas, everyone!”  Couldn’t ask for a better day after Thanksgiving.

Tomorrow , we’ll brave whatever crowds are left for Christmas pj’s so I can take a picture for the cards.

Though this one isn’t bad.

Thanksgiving rocks!

Happy Thanksgiving!  Recap to come tomorrow.  With pictures!  Probably.  I dunno.

How far along? 23 weeks

Total weight gain: Down 1.5lbs as of my last appointment.  I gained 5lbs in 5 weeks.  Not too bad considering how much this kid makes me eat.  I’ll definitely take it.

Maternity clothes? Yes.

Sleep: Who has time?

Food cravings: Thanksgiving food.  But that may be because I can smell the remnants of my mini-baking session last night.  Mmmm cornbread stuffing.

Best moment this week: Finding out the ultrasound results.  Everything is perfect.  Whew!  Also, doc says I can have egg nog.

Movement: So much.  He’s a wiggler.

Gender: A boy.  I think it’s starting to sink in.  Sometimes.

Labor Signs: Nothing right now.  Still getting some Braxton Hicks, but usually when I overdo it.

Belly Button in or out? In.  Barely

What I miss: Today, a lot of things.  I miss being able to bend over as much as I need to to put things in and out of the oven without being in so much pain.  I miss having the stamina to get it all done without feeling worn out.  And wine.

What I am looking forward to: Next week.  Viability.

Weekly Wisdom: I got nothing.

Milestones: Trucking along.

Today, I am thankful for this little kicky boy.  Who is already very much a mama’s boy and I love it.

I am thankful for my little girl.  Who flushed an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet this morning.  She definitely keeps us on our toes.

I am thankful for Mr. Silly.  Who has done so much cleaning lately, it’s ridiculous.  He mopped this morning.  It’s only 8am.  He also rinsed the heavy turkey for me last night, thus grossifying his hands.  He hates being messy, so this is big.

I am thankful for my friends and family.  Who are all relatively happy and healthy.  And with so many sisters, I always have someone to call and whine to when I need to.

I am thankful that we are fortunate to have a roof over our head, all the comforts we could ask for and enough turkey to have leftovers for a week.

I forgot to post this yesterday.

How far along? 22 weeks

Total weight gain: Down 6.5lbs as of my last appointment.

Maternity clothes? Yes.

Sleep: Not too bad this week.

Food cravings: Nothing jumps out at me.  I’ve been liking tomato soup lately though.  Not a desperate need, but it’s there.

Best moment this week: Smushy carrying around an ultrasound picture of the baby and keeping it in her Big Sister book.  Too cute for words.

Movement: All the time and I love it!

Gender: A boy.  (OMG ITS STILL A BOY!!!) (Seriously, when am I going to get used to that?)

Labor Signs: Nope.  A few Braxton Hicks contractions, but nothing major.

Belly Button in or out? In.  For now.

What I miss: Being able to do things I need to do.  Lately my body is giving me signs that I need to take it easy every now and then and sometimes I just don’t have time for that.

What I am looking forward to: My appointment next week so I can finally find out the medical results from my ultrasound.  I just need to hear everything is ok.

Weekly Wisdom: I got nothing.

Milestones: Trucking along.

I’ve had a little coffee today, which always makes me a little edgy.  I am a LOUD and HYPER person without coffee.  I get it from my LOUD and HYPER dad.  Hyper might not be the right word because I mostly just like to sit on the couch, but I am rarely still.  I can’t talk on the phone without pacing constantly.  You can imagine how I must annoy people, but I truly can’t help it.

I don’t usually need coffee for energy, I need it for motivation.  I am LAZY.  Very very lazy.  And yet, Things, they still need to get done.  If I’m the one doing them, caffeine is the push I need.  And it totally works.  BUT, side effect:  My brain gets all filled and jumbly.

SO!  You get the joy of taking a peek inside my crazy.  Which really isn’t so much crazy today, just very very jumbly.  With Bullets!

• My $80 wireless mouse broke after only a few months.  I’ve switched to a $15 wireless mouse and it works great.  FTR, I did not know it was $80 when I bought it since sometimes I don’t look at how much things cost.  I just assume they cost around X amount.  I don’t know why I do that.
• I have a lot of cleaning and other such domestic stuff to do today.  I feel like I must say that all the time.  I seem to be having a hard time getting going today.  The thing is, Smushy is in school which is the very PERFECT time to get things accomplished since it is impossible when she’s here to get anything done. But I feel like it would be pointless to clean since she will come home and destroy everything.  Mr. Silly got a taste of it this weekend when he had to vacuum our area rug twice in an hour.  That was yesterday.  And I need to vacuum again already.  So I’m trying to figure out what’s the point of cleaning AT ALL.  Also, is there a magic age when I can expect her to keep something decent for 10 minutes?
• I need to figure out a recycling system.  I have trash cans on the deck for recycling that are very convenient, but apparently, I can’t be bothered to open the door and use them.  For now I just leave it all on the table right near the door to the deck and make Mr. Silly do it.  I have a valid reason for this.  If it’s raining, I don’t want to get wet.  Also, if I open the door AT ALL, Smushy wants to go outside.  So the current plan is to AVOID.  Not a great plan for the keeping of the clean house.
• I belong to a mommy message board.  We have been together since we were pregnant with our 2007 babies.  These women rock, seriously.  A lot have gone on to have children since then.  So there have been a few posts lately about how hard it is with 2, especially in the beginning.  And I am FREAKING OUT.  Everyone keeps saying how they had help in the beginning and it was their saving grace and I DON’T HAVE HELP.  Mr. Silly will  go back to work the Monday after he’s born (he should be here on a Wednesday) and then I have no one.  Also, he’s due to deploy after we move and then it will be me for 6 months or however long he’s gone.  FREAKING OUT!!!!  Things that are currently freaking me out are:

1. I have to take care of a crazy toddler and a newborn while recovering from a C-Section by myself!!  Smushy is fast and destructive and toddler-y.  Newborns like food and stuff.  I am going to be walking like an old lady for a while at least and unable to move fast.  I don’t know how to do this.
2. I remember the dark moments the very few times I was alone with Smushy in the beginning.  I know how hard it is with one.  I know what sleep deprivation can do.  What if I don’t handle 2 very well on my own?  What if I snap or something?  This probably scares me more than anything.
3. Smushy was an AWESOME sleeper.  No joke.  I’m confident enough in her sleeping to say it.  She was seriously the easiest baby ever.  So of course I won’t get that lucky twice.  And what if he sucks at sleeping.  I can’t nap when he naps the way I could when Smushy was little.  How am I going to cope?
4. I am completely sad for Smushy since I know she’s going to get the short end of the stick for a while.  Not to mention I just know I will lose my patience with her.  I’m trying to implement some don’t lose your patience techniques now, so maybe some of them will stick.  I’m trying to be very matter of fact about discipline.  And I’m working on her putting herself into time out in case I’m nursing when she get into trouble.

• My iPhone ate my contact list.  I synced it last night and it changed everything to my computer address book which had all of 2 numbers on it since I never use that one.  So now, I have to try to remember everyone’s numbers (impossible) and use the recent call list to fix what I can.  I am annoyed.

The End.

We have had the flu up in here for a good week.  Hence the not blogging and also not responding.  Sorry.  And it was just Mr. Silly who was sick, but between taking care of him and Smushy with no break, I am just beat.  I’ve been trying to catch up on a little sleep on the couch this morning, but Smushy is not having it.  She keeps stealing my pillow and blanket.  She’s so mean.

Anyway.

How far along? 21 weeks

Total weight gain: Down 6.5lbs as of my last appointment.

Maternity clothes? Yes.

Sleep: If only these people I live with would let me.  And I think this morning I woke up to kicking for the first time, well, ever.  Smushy was not a morning kicker.

Food cravings: I want a cheeseburger.

Best moment this week: I felt the baby from the outside for the first time last night.

Movement: A lot.  And now enough to shake my belly.

Gender: A boy.  (OMG ITS STILL A BOY!!!)

Labor Signs: Nope.

Belly Button in or out? In, but I have a feeling this isn’t going to last long.

What I miss: Making it through a movie or commercial without crying.

What I am looking forward to: A nap.

Weekly Wisdom: Remember to take care of yourself, even when it seems you don’t have time left over after taking care of everyone else.

Milestones: Over halfway done.  And 21 is my lucky number.

This was supposed to be posted yesterday after I took a belly pic, but I never got around to the pic or posting.  My memory is shot lately.

How far along? 20 weeks

Total weight gain: Down 6.5lbs as of my last appointment.

Maternity clothes? Yes.  Need more shirts AND pants since my belly defies pant logic.  The ones that fit 2 minutes ago now are too tight and the ones that were too big are STILL TOO BIG.  Annoying.

Sleep: OMG sleeeeeeep!  I am just so tired lately.  I didn’t get this in the first tri, but here it is now. Let’s hope it’s temporary because I can’t afford to sleep so much.

Food cravings: Taquitos.  Specifically, Jose Ole chicken and cheese on flour tortilla taquitos.  Mmmmmmmmmm.  Also, who wants to bet I’m up in the weight department at my next appointment?

Best moment this week: Mr. Silly felt him move again.  I totally love that and this time it wasn’t because I made him press down on the EXACT spot.  I’m still blown away by how early it’s all happening this time.

Movement: Very consistent.  He a wiggler and very opposed to tighter pants.  Also, moving right now.  Probably as you read this.

Gender: A boy.  (OMG ITS STILL A BOY!!!)

Labor Signs: Nope.

Belly Button in or out? In, but I have a feeling this isn’t going to last long.

What I miss: Sleeping through the night.

What I am looking forward to: I don’t know.  Something, probably.

Weekly Wisdom: Comfy pants are a must.

Milestones: Halfway done!  Wheeeee!!!!

We have one car between us.  This usually is not a big deal because I avoid driving like the plague.  But now that Smushy is in school 2 days a week, I am forced to take the car.  This means I have to get up at 6, get myself dressed, get Smushy dressed, and feed Smushy and Mr. Silly.

(I would like to point out that Mr. Silly only has to worry about getting himself ready, even though we both have to get up at the same time and leave at the same time.  Motherhood=Fatherhood x 1 billion.)

Then we have to rush out the door (stopping Smushy from escaping into the backyard because OUTSIDE!) while Mr. Silly complains about running late and OMGPANIC!.  Drop him off at work (20 minutes away).  Take her to school (3 minutes from my house, so 23 minutes away from work).  Get home, sleep/clean/internet until the very last minute.

The next part goes one of 2 ways.  Somedays, I pick up Smushy at noon and just bring her home, then we get Mr. Silly from work whenever he gets done–usually between 5:30-7:30.  (So, making sure she is fed before we leave or figuring out a quick dinner on the way home.  Also, loading her heavy, kicky butt into the carseat.  Again.)  Then we get home whenever, feed Mr. Silly, bathe Smushy, hang out, and bedtime.  Evenings are hectic.

OR

Sometimes Mr. Silly needs the car or he’ll be getting off from work super late, so I get him at 11:30.  Then we both go pick up Smushy at noon and come home.  Sometimes he has to rush right back to run errands or whatever, and sometimes he hangs out for an hour and has lunch here (Oh, did I mention I am in charge of lunch too?  For everyone?  Yeah, that.)  I actually like these days since he at least gets to spend a little time with the kid.  Plus, I don’t have to load her up to get him later and I don’t have to stress about timing dinner just right.  Unfortunately, that happens about once a week.

Add in all the cleaning, shopping, cooking, diaper changes, nap fighting, and general chaos that is my life and I am just beat.  Mr. Silly gets home and just wants to hang out and chill after a loooong day of classes, and I totally get that.  But my day doesn’t end.  I am exhausted by 9, but that’s about when Smush falls asleep and, therefore, the only me time I get.  Plus Mr. Silly is not currently being a mother and baking a kid and tired all the time, so he wants to be a grown-up and stay up later.  And I can’t sleep at night in bed without him.  During the day?  Sure.  On the couch at anytime?  Probably.  But at night in bed?  No.  So I wait for him until he’s done doing whatever it is he does (last night that was midnight) and finally, finally get to sleep.

Until I have to get up to pee.  Then again an hour later.  And oh right a few more times after that.  Just to get up in the morning and do it all over again.

So I’m tired.  A lot.  I have made amazing progress on getting the house stuff all caught up, but I still have a long way to go.

After re-reading that, it sounds very complain-y, and it is in some ways, but it’s not that bad.  Just chaotic.  Mr. Silly doesn’t just get home from work and sit on the couch all night.  Last night he was putting together furniture.  Tonight he’ll be hanging stuff on Smushy’s wall and moving a mattress downstairs and de-clogging the bathroom sink since a toddler has been in there and Lord knows why it’s draining slow.  His day doesn’t really end either.  I always have something I need him to take care of.  I try to keep the weekends open for family time, but there are days I rope him into helping me catch up with whatever cleaning I couldn’t get done during the week or just get me started so i don’t feel so overwhelmed with everything.  None of my complain-y-ness is his fault.  (Except that whole morning and lunch thing.  Totally his fault.)

Umm.  Have to end this cuz the kid just fell asleep on the couch.  Shit.

This was the first year that Smushy really “got it” and she had the best time trick-or-treating tonight.  I can’t believe how much fun it was for me to watch her.  I don’t think I expected that reaction.  We were only out for about 30 minutes since she’s 2 and how much candy does she need exactly?  She wore her “chicken soup” all day and everyone just gushed over her.  I love when my kid turns on the charm.  Anyway, short video clip of a visit to one house.  This was about midway through.

For those who don’t quite understand Smush-ese, she said “Put the candy right here” (pointing to her bucket) instead of trick-or-treat. So of course we laughed. And it was the first and only time she said that the whole night. She did eventually get it right and even ended with a “Happy Hoween, kids!”

Right after putting on her costume. She was only crying because we weren’t leave rightthatsecond!

See? She really did love it.

Breaking out the loot!

And as a bonus:

A Happy Punkin’! (specifically requested by Smushy)