- The differences between this pregnancy and my pregnancy with Smushy are crazy to me. I guess it’s to be expected, since I am a different person now, but I am so surprised by it nonetheless.
Today I finally (finally) took a belly picture. And I am a house. A huge, 3-story, sprawling monstrosity. And I completely want to cry. It is so different this time. I didn’t get quite so big (putting it MILDLY) with Smushy. I gained more weight with her, but size-wise, I didn’t look like this. And even with the weight gain and body changes, I was fine. It never mattered to me even for a minute the last time. After everything we went through to get there, I was just grateful to be pregnant at all. I happily packed on the pounds and inches. Maybe it’s because this is the second time? I don’t live in the fantasy of pregnancy and motherhood anymore. I now know that popping out an 8-pounder and breastfeeding does not take the weight off. And with my medical issues, NOTHING took the weight off after Smushy. I never lost a pound. In fact, I was about 10 pounds heavier starting out this time than the ending of my pregnancy with Smushy. I was 60 pounds heavier than pre-Smushy pregnancy. 60 pounds. So yeah, I’m down a pound and a half, but it’s like I’ve already gained 60. I have to waddle because my hips hurt when I walk. My back aches. I’m only 23 weeks. I have a long way to go.
Losing the baby weight after Smushy was never a big priority to me. I guess I just expected it to magically happen. Or at least lose some of it. A little. I don’t know why I thought that way. Busy with a newborn/infant/toddler? Maybe I just didn’t want to accept that this was going to take a lot of work? I don’t know. I know this time I am going to have to work at it. Weight loss is going to have to be a priority. Not for the weight loss, really. It’s just very unhealthy for me to be this size. I am going to need to change habits and my entire lifestyle. It’s daunting just thinking about it.
I know it’s a little early to be thinking about losing baby weight and I don’t even know why I am. Oh right. The belly pic.
23 weeks this time and last time
23 weeks this time, 36 weeks last time
See? *bawl*
And to end on a less depressing note, a list of how things are different than last time:
- Pregnancy #1 heartburn started sometime in the mid 3rd tri. Pregnancy #2 heartburn right now. A lot. Milk helps. I may need to buy a cow.
- Pregnancy #1 waddling in the 3rd tri. Pregnancy #2 waddling now.
- #1 Gained a lot, barely ate. #2 Gained nothing (so far) eat all the time.
- #1 Intense cravings, especially for fast food. #2 Nothing I have to have. Some things just sound good, but if I don’t have it, no biggie.
- #1 No extra hair. In fact, my hair didn’t grow at all during that pregnancy. #2 My belly has fuzzy hairs on it. Weird.
- #1 So tired all the time. #2 Not too tired. Still sleeping more than usual, but nothing crazy.
- #1 Normal morning sickness that ended at 10 weeks-ish. #2 Normal morning sickness that has not ended. It’s not real bad, but still there.
- #1 A teeny bit of boob leakage in the 3rd tri. #2 Boob leakage starting at 15 weeks. Insane!
- #1 Normal movement. I always considered her to be active. #2 I apparently didn’t know what “active” was before this guy. Constant movement. Big movement.
Mr. Silly is different this time too. Last time he was attentive and affectionate and would get me fast food at 3am. This time he sucks a little. He’s still affectionate, but it’s like he forgets I’m pregnant and expects me to go about doing things as usual. Like cleaning the litter box and moving furniture. He also almost never gets me whatever food I might want at the time. And I was WAY more demanding last time. This time I barely ask for anything. Last time he went to EVERY doctor’s appointment. This time he didn’t even make it to the big ultrasound. But that’s not his fault at all. He works way more now than last time. It’s just a difference.
My mother, who has had 4 children, told me that you think because you’ve done it before, you’ll know what to expect, but you don’t. And then you get pregnant with #3 and you still don’t know. And you get pregnant with #4 and you still don’t know. And it’s the same way once they’re born. Each one is completely different and new. That is both exciting and terrifying to me.
Would it make you feel better if I tell you I absolutely look seven months pregnant, and I’m only five? 20 weeks… and I look WAY more pregnant than I should. It happens, I think, with all second/third/whatever pregnancies. Our bodies say, “Oh, yeah, done this before,” and then they just give up. Expanding, stretching, flopping into uncomfortableness before we can say ultrasound. And the whole husband thing? Yeah, I think that’s pretty much across the board too. With my last baby, which would have been baby number 4, my husband met my doctor in the operating room, moments before the c-section.
Just now you’re not alone… and I totally agree with your Mom on all the babies being different. I will say though, that each time, my level of panic, of not knowing what to do, got smaller. Because you have done it before. And while every baby is different, you will feel more comfortable in your mother skin, which will make it easier to handle.
[rq=1331590,0,blog][/rq]Prenatal Reality Check
Not only is the pregnancy different everytime, wait for the delivery.
[rq=1348316,0,blog][/rq]What the Men and Children do While us Women Folk Slave Away