When I was pregnant with Smushy, I had some pretty big anxiety issues that I was dealing with. I think after trying for so long, I just couldn’t believe the pregnancy would end with a healthy baby. Like it was almost too much to ask for. I was pretty crazy and worried back then. Thankfully, my doc tended to err on the side of caution and I always felt very taken care of and looked after. At one point, I started measuring funky and we found there was a fluid issue. Nothing major, but something to check on. Even after it resolved itself, the doc still had me coming in just to be safe. I loved my doctor and she was very much what I needed for that pregnancy. (Minus the 45 minute wait just to get into a room. I could live one without that.)
This time, I am much more laid back about most things. I’ve done this before. I know there can be a healthy baby after it’s over. I know what pregnancy feels like (even though it does feel different this time-still recognizable). I don’t panic when the baby doesn’t move for a couple of days. (Two is my limit. Then I panic a little.) I don’t look forward to appointments the way I did the first time. I don’t feel like I need the constant reassurance that everything is fine and normal. It’s just different this time. My doctor is different too. She is a lot more laid back. I don’t wait long to get into the room and then I think the whole appointment lasts less than 10 minutes. Of course she still addresses and concerns I have, but I don’t have that many.
She typically has one nurse who handles all the nursely duties. I have mixed feelings about the nurse. I like her. She’s relaxed and proficient and nice. But she bugs me. I started having Braxton Hicks contractions really early this pregnancy, when I never had any with Smushy. I knew it could be normal and wasn’t too worried, but thought I should mention it anyway. I told the nurse and she told me “That’s just growing pains, not contractions.” Umm. The hell you say. I know what a contraction feels like and please don’t talk to me like I’m stupid. I let it go and contractions ever since.
Last week baby boy was having some very quiet days. He was moving, but not as much or as strong as usual. I know this happens. This happened with Smushy. It’s normal. I realize this. But when he wasn’t back to his usual kick-boxing self by day three, I started getting concerned. I knew he had a heartbeat because he was still moving-a little. Dr. Google will tell you to call your doctor when there is a DECREASE in movement. There was a decrease. So I called and spoke to the nurse. I told her I was not one to jump straight to the panic button, but I was concerned since he hadn’t been as active for so long. She kept telling me that he’s probably running out of room to move as much and it as probably fine, but I could come in and the doc could doppler me. I asked if that was it. I have a doppler. I can do that from home. She said as long as I found a heartbeat, that was it. So I said I would just do a quick check (and I knew there would be a heartbeat since he was still moving-a little.)
And of course there was.
But this is what bugs me. If there is a problem, like a cord compression or whatever, how would I know? How would they have known listening to his heartbeat for 10 seconds? As far as I know, a Non-Stress Test is usually called for in this kind of situation. Not that I particularly wanted to drag my 2 year old to the hospital for an hour while I was strapped to a fetal heart monitor. Not my idea of fun either. But what if? What if there was something really wrong? And they blew off my concerns as nothing? As relaxed as I am about pregnancy this time, I am still a better safe than sorry person. And the more I think about it, the more pissed I get.
As a patient, I expect my concerns to be taken seriously. It bothers me that I don’t trust that my baby will be taken care of. I think I’m going to have to talk to my doctor about my concerns.