Another gorgeous day

Catching up on snuggle time

Finally home!!

Whew!

Smushy woke up with no fever!  Yay, right?  But no, she is juuuust well enough to be completely disagreeable.  She only wants yogurt and screams if I even make something different for myself.  It took forever to get her down for a nap (with kicking and screaming) and she was coughing a bit, so I know it wasn’t very restful.  Plus it was only 2 hours, which would be fine if she weren’t so cranky all day.  Add on some stuck poops and we have both been miserable.  I find myself feeling really bad for her one minute and really annoyed with her the next.

Mr. Silly is working late tonight and won’t be home for another hour and a half.  He did come home for lunch and dinner though, so at least we got to see him a little.  But that meant I was running around right before he got home both times trying to get meals done so he could eat quickly since he didn’t have a lot of time.  Not a big deal, but I’ve been really contraction-y today and probably should try to stay off my (very very swollen) feet.  Plus I asked him TWICE about his schedule on Wednesday because I have to go grocery shopping and TWICE he told me it was fine but then OhRightIForgot he has this thing that completely throws a wrench in my plans.  This has happened for the past 3 weeks every time I have plans.  I am getting pissed.  I mean, I know it’s not his fault.  But I don’t care.  He is the only person I can get mad at and so take it out on him I shall!  Grrrr!

My living room looks like HELL because I can’t bend over so well and my back starts screaming at me 2 seconds after I start trying to clean.  I’ve asked Mr. Silly to handle it, but he just won’t.  I don’t know why since he has no problem cleaning in general and has picked up the slack a TON.  It’s just weird and annoying since it really looks like shit.  Driving me absolutely crazy.  So much so that I’ve actually started trying to clean it, but OMG pain.  Suck it.

AND AND AND!  We were charged some bogus charge and then refunded the wrong amount on our checking account.  It was only 9 cents different, so we’re not fighting it, but we do have to go through the whole blah blah boring crap and it’s stupid.  We’re planning on switching our checking account from that bank soon anyway, and this just cements that decision.

Plus, no one has told this child there is NO OPENING NEXT TO MY BELLYBUTTON from which to escape and he is trying to kill me.  All the lotioning in the world does not seem to help  this.  I can not get him to pick a different position and my skin is stretched to the limit.  Driving me batty!!

I’m just having one of those days.

I am sick.  I have been sick since last year.  I lost my voice on the 28th and on the 29th I started feeling a chest yucky-ness.  Then it got bad.  And I had family visiting and New Years and all that fun stuff.  So I faked it.  I mean, I sound like I’d been smoking a pack a day for 30 years, so it’s not like I was hiding it, I was just faking how functional I was.  As in, I wasn’t.  I barely made it through the time my sis was here.  And when she left it all came crashing down on me.  I spent the next 2 days feel completely miserable.  I finally started feeling “better” on Sunday, but it’s still there.  A nasty cough, and going through a million boxes of tissue and now I sound like I’ve been smoking a pack a day for 10 years.   There are still times I have no voice at all and have to get by with whispering.

Mr. Silly tries.  He really does.  He can manage to take care of the house and Smushy by himself, but he could not take care of me too.  I asked him for some hot tea and got it about 2 hours later.  I asked him for food-and I was really specific because he hates when I don’t tell him exactly what I want- and I finally got it an hour later when I got my sick ass up and made it myself.  Now, when he is sick I pretty much cater to him for days until he gets better AND take care of the house AND take care of the kid.  He just can’t.  It actually kinda pisses me off.  Especially when he acts like he is sick too.  When he isn’t and we both damn well know it.  And then he acts like I just have what he just got over and to that I say LIAR!  He had a cough for a couple of days.  That was it.  I don’t remember him being miserable for a week and a half.  Big baby.

And now Smushy is getting something.  I don’t know if it’s the same something, but I hope not.  She has a nasty cough and sounds really stuffy, but nothing else.  She’s acting just fine so far.  As bad as it is to be sick and pregnant, it is much worse to see your kid sick and know there’s not much you can do.  I suppose it’s better than this happen now instead of in March when I’m bringing a newborn into the mix.

So that’s pretty much it.  We all feel like poop.  The end.

A month by month list since I have a blog and can just look old stuff up.  Yay blog!

January- We started clomid to try to get pregnant.  We had been trying for 5 months at that point, but this was the first “serious” month.

February- The clomid failed.  We found out we would be moving to Rhode Island and then Washington state (our top choice!)

March- The clomid failed..again.  Mr. SIlly turned 30.  We took an epic road trip to CA, OR, and WA to visit family.  I got my iPhone and fell in love.

April- We went to a fair and Smushy got to “hold” her very first monkey.  I got my wisdom teeth removed.

May- More clomid.  Mother’s Day!  Mr. Silly and I celebrated our 7th anniversary.  I moved my blog.  Sorta.

June- We dealt with some house drama.  Took a weekend trip to Austin.  Clomid failed…AGAIN.

July- Had a garage sale and made a billion dollars selling baby stuff.  Found out the clomid worked and baby #2 would be making an entrance in March.  Smushy turned 2.  We celebrated by taking her to Sea World in San Antonio.

August- We found out there is just ONE baby in there.  I turned 29.  Lots of planning and prepping for the move.

September- My cat ran away.  We moved from Texas to Rhode Island.  I entered the 2nd trimester.  Lots of unpacking and organizing (Turns out, this never really ends.)  We went to a big fair thing and met up with a few mommies from my online mommy group.  Fun fun fun.

October- Mr. Silly went to VA for work for a couple of weeks.  When he got home we went apple picking and took Smushy to a corn maze.  Smushy started school for the first time.  We found out we would be having a little boy.  Smushy went trick-or-treating for the first time and had a blast!

November- Not much happened this month (at least that I blogged about).  We celebrated Thanksgiving with some friends.  I got huger.

December- We got our first snow and I got my car stuck in the mud in my yard and had t call a tow truck and cried a lot.  A mouse tried to kill me and I traumatized my kid.  Lots of Christmas prepping (shopping, cooking).  I started the 3rd trimester.  Finished the year celebrating my nephew’s 1st birthday with my sister and brother in law.

So, to recap: New home, new baby on the way, same old everything else.  Hooray!

I’ve had a little coffee today, which always makes me a little edgy.  I am a LOUD and HYPER person without coffee.  I get it from my LOUD and HYPER dad.  Hyper might not be the right word because I mostly just like to sit on the couch, but I am rarely still.  I can’t talk on the phone without pacing constantly.  You can imagine how I must annoy people, but I truly can’t help it.

I don’t usually need coffee for energy, I need it for motivation.  I am LAZY.  Very very lazy.  And yet, Things, they still need to get done.  If I’m the one doing them, caffeine is the push I need.  And it totally works.  BUT, side effect:  My brain gets all filled and jumbly.

SO!  You get the joy of taking a peek inside my crazy.  Which really isn’t so much crazy today, just very very jumbly.  With Bullets!

• My $80 wireless mouse broke after only a few months.  I’ve switched to a $15 wireless mouse and it works great.  FTR, I did not know it was $80 when I bought it since sometimes I don’t look at how much things cost.  I just assume they cost around X amount.  I don’t know why I do that.
• I have a lot of cleaning and other such domestic stuff to do today.  I feel like I must say that all the time.  I seem to be having a hard time getting going today.  The thing is, Smushy is in school which is the very PERFECT time to get things accomplished since it is impossible when she’s here to get anything done. But I feel like it would be pointless to clean since she will come home and destroy everything.  Mr. Silly got a taste of it this weekend when he had to vacuum our area rug twice in an hour.  That was yesterday.  And I need to vacuum again already.  So I’m trying to figure out what’s the point of cleaning AT ALL.  Also, is there a magic age when I can expect her to keep something decent for 10 minutes?
• I need to figure out a recycling system.  I have trash cans on the deck for recycling that are very convenient, but apparently, I can’t be bothered to open the door and use them.  For now I just leave it all on the table right near the door to the deck and make Mr. Silly do it.  I have a valid reason for this.  If it’s raining, I don’t want to get wet.  Also, if I open the door AT ALL, Smushy wants to go outside.  So the current plan is to AVOID.  Not a great plan for the keeping of the clean house.
• I belong to a mommy message board.  We have been together since we were pregnant with our 2007 babies.  These women rock, seriously.  A lot have gone on to have children since then.  So there have been a few posts lately about how hard it is with 2, especially in the beginning.  And I am FREAKING OUT.  Everyone keeps saying how they had help in the beginning and it was their saving grace and I DON’T HAVE HELP.  Mr. Silly will  go back to work the Monday after he’s born (he should be here on a Wednesday) and then I have no one.  Also, he’s due to deploy after we move and then it will be me for 6 months or however long he’s gone.  FREAKING OUT!!!!  Things that are currently freaking me out are:

1. I have to take care of a crazy toddler and a newborn while recovering from a C-Section by myself!!  Smushy is fast and destructive and toddler-y.  Newborns like food and stuff.  I am going to be walking like an old lady for a while at least and unable to move fast.  I don’t know how to do this.
2. I remember the dark moments the very few times I was alone with Smushy in the beginning.  I know how hard it is with one.  I know what sleep deprivation can do.  What if I don’t handle 2 very well on my own?  What if I snap or something?  This probably scares me more than anything.
3. Smushy was an AWESOME sleeper.  No joke.  I’m confident enough in her sleeping to say it.  She was seriously the easiest baby ever.  So of course I won’t get that lucky twice.  And what if he sucks at sleeping.  I can’t nap when he naps the way I could when Smushy was little.  How am I going to cope?
4. I am completely sad for Smushy since I know she’s going to get the short end of the stick for a while.  Not to mention I just know I will lose my patience with her.  I’m trying to implement some don’t lose your patience techniques now, so maybe some of them will stick.  I’m trying to be very matter of fact about discipline.  And I’m working on her putting herself into time out in case I’m nursing when she get into trouble.

• My iPhone ate my contact list.  I synced it last night and it changed everything to my computer address book which had all of 2 numbers on it since I never use that one.  So now, I have to try to remember everyone’s numbers (impossible) and use the recent call list to fix what I can.  I am annoyed.

The End.

We have had the flu up in here for a good week.  Hence the not blogging and also not responding.  Sorry.  And it was just Mr. Silly who was sick, but between taking care of him and Smushy with no break, I am just beat.  I’ve been trying to catch up on a little sleep on the couch this morning, but Smushy is not having it.  She keeps stealing my pillow and blanket.  She’s so mean.

Anyway.

How far along? 21 weeks

Total weight gain: Down 6.5lbs as of my last appointment.

Maternity clothes? Yes.

Sleep: If only these people I live with would let me.  And I think this morning I woke up to kicking for the first time, well, ever.  Smushy was not a morning kicker.

Food cravings: I want a cheeseburger.

Best moment this week: I felt the baby from the outside for the first time last night.

Movement: A lot.  And now enough to shake my belly.

Gender: A boy.  (OMG ITS STILL A BOY!!!)

Labor Signs: Nope.

Belly Button in or out? In, but I have a feeling this isn’t going to last long.

What I miss: Making it through a movie or commercial without crying.

What I am looking forward to: A nap.

Weekly Wisdom: Remember to take care of yourself, even when it seems you don’t have time left over after taking care of everyone else.

Milestones: Over halfway done.  And 21 is my lucky number.

We have one car between us.  This usually is not a big deal because I avoid driving like the plague.  But now that Smushy is in school 2 days a week, I am forced to take the car.  This means I have to get up at 6, get myself dressed, get Smushy dressed, and feed Smushy and Mr. Silly.

(I would like to point out that Mr. Silly only has to worry about getting himself ready, even though we both have to get up at the same time and leave at the same time.  Motherhood=Fatherhood x 1 billion.)

Then we have to rush out the door (stopping Smushy from escaping into the backyard because OUTSIDE!) while Mr. Silly complains about running late and OMGPANIC!.  Drop him off at work (20 minutes away).  Take her to school (3 minutes from my house, so 23 minutes away from work).  Get home, sleep/clean/internet until the very last minute.

The next part goes one of 2 ways.  Somedays, I pick up Smushy at noon and just bring her home, then we get Mr. Silly from work whenever he gets done–usually between 5:30-7:30.  (So, making sure she is fed before we leave or figuring out a quick dinner on the way home.  Also, loading her heavy, kicky butt into the carseat.  Again.)  Then we get home whenever, feed Mr. Silly, bathe Smushy, hang out, and bedtime.  Evenings are hectic.

OR

Sometimes Mr. Silly needs the car or he’ll be getting off from work super late, so I get him at 11:30.  Then we both go pick up Smushy at noon and come home.  Sometimes he has to rush right back to run errands or whatever, and sometimes he hangs out for an hour and has lunch here (Oh, did I mention I am in charge of lunch too?  For everyone?  Yeah, that.)  I actually like these days since he at least gets to spend a little time with the kid.  Plus, I don’t have to load her up to get him later and I don’t have to stress about timing dinner just right.  Unfortunately, that happens about once a week.

Add in all the cleaning, shopping, cooking, diaper changes, nap fighting, and general chaos that is my life and I am just beat.  Mr. Silly gets home and just wants to hang out and chill after a loooong day of classes, and I totally get that.  But my day doesn’t end.  I am exhausted by 9, but that’s about when Smush falls asleep and, therefore, the only me time I get.  Plus Mr. Silly is not currently being a mother and baking a kid and tired all the time, so he wants to be a grown-up and stay up later.  And I can’t sleep at night in bed without him.  During the day?  Sure.  On the couch at anytime?  Probably.  But at night in bed?  No.  So I wait for him until he’s done doing whatever it is he does (last night that was midnight) and finally, finally get to sleep.

Until I have to get up to pee.  Then again an hour later.  And oh right a few more times after that.  Just to get up in the morning and do it all over again.

So I’m tired.  A lot.  I have made amazing progress on getting the house stuff all caught up, but I still have a long way to go.

After re-reading that, it sounds very complain-y, and it is in some ways, but it’s not that bad.  Just chaotic.  Mr. Silly doesn’t just get home from work and sit on the couch all night.  Last night he was putting together furniture.  Tonight he’ll be hanging stuff on Smushy’s wall and moving a mattress downstairs and de-clogging the bathroom sink since a toddler has been in there and Lord knows why it’s draining slow.  His day doesn’t really end either.  I always have something I need him to take care of.  I try to keep the weekends open for family time, but there are days I rope him into helping me catch up with whatever cleaning I couldn’t get done during the week or just get me started so i don’t feel so overwhelmed with everything.  None of my complain-y-ness is his fault.  (Except that whole morning and lunch thing.  Totally his fault.)

Umm.  Have to end this cuz the kid just fell asleep on the couch.  Shit.

Mr. Silly had to go to Virginia for training for 2 weeks.  With the car.  The only car.  So I was stuck here with Smushy.  No big deal, really.  There was lots of unpacking and organizing left to do (not that I did any of it).

The thing is, I hate being alone.  I don’t do well.  I get extra paranoid and just sucky in general.  I think maybe I’m just out of practice?  Mr. Silly has been off work for a year and before that he worked very short hours, so it was like he was home all the time anyway.  I think I’m just very used to him being around.  I know that I’m going to have to get back in the swing of things since he is going to be deployed at some point.

And maybe that’s part of why this is so much harder than usual.  The next time he leaves, it will be for months at a time and I will have to deal with 2 kids by myself. Mr. Silly is a very involved dad.  I’m not used to doing it all by myself.  I mean, I have and I can, but I don’t like it.  (Does anyone?)  Since Smushy was born I knew the day would come that he would leave for months and months and I was trying to mentally prepare myself for that.  But with him being in Virginia, I think it just suddenly hit me that I won’t have to worry about handling one kid on my own.  I’ll have 2.  All of a sudden.  No transition time.  It put me in a really big funk the entire time he was gone.  Hormones don’t help.

This is all just stuff I’m going to have to work through and deal with (because what choice do I have?) and I’ll be fine when it comes down to it.  I just needed some time to adjust and accept.  I don’t know why I didn’t blog about it.  This is supposed to be my outlet for stuff like this.  I just couldn’t come up with the words I needed.  Mostly I just wanted to cry and that doesn’t really come out in writing.

Things are better now.  They always are when he’s home.  We spent the first weekend doing family stuff.  It was perfect.  I know that sounds corny, but it really was the most perfect weekend of my life.  He’ll be working long hours all week long while we’re here.  Weekends are family time.  I am going to make the most of what I have.